Yeah, Sex Is Cool But…

All these things kind of pale in comparison. If you’re doing the sex right. Or so I’ve been told. But they’re still pretty rad.

Scott Muska
6 min readDec 5, 2023

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever walked a dog while a light snow is falling and you’re listening to Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up?”

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever read a passage from a piece of writing that captures — to an almost scary but definitely scintillating way — exactly how you’re feeling in a certain moment, but have found impossible to articulate using your own words?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever gone to make a batch of Stove Top stuffing but been like, “I’m almost definitely out of butter,” but then you open the fridge to check just in case and find that your girlfriend bought a bunch recently when she made you dinner at your apartment?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever eaten an entire batch of Stove Top stuffing then pounded one down, really taking some time and making love to yourself, immediately afterward?

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever tried to proof a document while out of your gourd on the Devil’s Lettuce and it really makes you feel alive, albeit extremely paranoid, but in a scintillating way?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever gotten a notification from Domino’s featuring an extremely enticing deal at exactly the right time?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever had such a good hair day that you’ve combined with an outfit that works so well you feel compelled to strut around almost as if you are in seductive slow motion, on a beach at dusk for some reason, like Timothée Chalamet in a men’s fragrance commercial?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever caught eight straight hours of uninterrupted sleep at the end of an especially taxing week?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever felt the cool side of the pillow in the waning hours of a warm summer evening?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever been extremely nervous to hand in a particularly difficult assignment and then had your boss fully approve it without soliciting any changes?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever Dutch-ovened yourself? (Not saying the others on this list aren’t, but this one is admittedly definitely a stretch.)

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever come home at the end of the day and sunk immediately into the couch while whispering “Fuck yeah” to yourself?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever woken up on a rainy day when you have nothing else to do, so you go full Goblin Mode, don’t leave the house at all and don’t even bother to shower and just do whatever your little heart desires, like play Magic: The Gathering for an amount of consecutive hours that you don’t care to publicly quantify?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever eaten an entire large Dairy Queen Blizzard in bed while you watch a laugh-track sitcom you acknowledge is trash but that actually brings you a few laughs coupled with some mostly mindless joy, when “mindless joy” is a dragon you chase almost incessantly?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever shared a trailer for a forthcoming documentary about an artist you absolutely adore with your significant other and instead of them questioning your taste in sad music they say, seemingly sincerely, that they’d be interested in seeing it with you when it comes out?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever hit a deadline just at the nick of time and then been able to clock out at a reasonable hour with no responsibilities to look toward until the next workday begins?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever been in a pretty deep depression and managed to not only make your bed, but also do your laundry and fold the entire load immediately after it’s done drying?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever had someone tell you you didn’t hurt their feelings in the slightest because of something you said or did, when you were agonizing about potentially having done so for entire days or even weeks?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever gazed into the abyss and been like totally fine with what you see and not really all that perturbed about having done so?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever noticed that you’re balding a little bit and graying a lot but then entertained the notion that it might actually make you look a little more distinguished?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever realized one day that you’re clawing back from a pretty lengthy term of burnout?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever soft-launched a relationship on social media and had people seem genuinely happy for you?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever prayed that something would happen and it didn’t and you were like, “Oh, I was right about this whole higher power thing,” but then because that thing didn’t happen other things end up working out much better in the long run than they would have otherwise and you go back to the track of believing that you actually don’t know a fucking thing about anything, and somehow find some comfort in that notion?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever woken up from a disturbing dream where you’ve irrevocably pissed off a best friend and reveled in the moment when you realize that it was only a nightmare and nothing more?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever met someone in real life for the first time after knowing each other online for a stretch and they’re surprised at how tall you actually are?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever fully unfollowed an ex and felt nothing but peaceful about it?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever received the wrong food delivery order meant for someone else and discover that it’s much better than what you’d initially chosen, and when you alert the restaurant they not only refund your money, but also tell you to just keep the food because they can’t come and take it back once you’ve taken possession because of sanitary reasons?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever outsmarted or bested any form of artificial intelligence?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever debated with someone for a really long time about whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever gotten into it with a cop a little bit because you had a point to argue and actually had the stones to realize that just because they’re in a certain position of alleged authority they don’t get to just do and say whatever they want to you?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever sneezed hard three times in rapid succession?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever gotten a robust and completely unexpected tax refund?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever seen someone and been unsure if you’re on, like, the “hugging level” but then you both go full-in on a big hug and both seem to really enjoy it, like it’s complete with light back slaps and everything?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever had that first drink toward the end of a workday when you still have plenty of work to do, but now that you’re imbibing a bit it doesn’t feel like you’re toiling away and are able to just have a little fun with it?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever decided to just embrace occasionally using the semi-colon and refuse to feel all that pretentious about it, even though semi-colons, while useful, are probably pretty pretentious?

Yeah, sex is cool but have you ever made some real sweet, sweet love?

Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed it, you can find more of my work on Substack.

--

--

Scott Muska

I write books, ads and some other stuff. (You can find the books on Amazon.)