The Storm Was Coming and We Had Just Run Out of Mayonnaise

Flash Fiction.

The storm was coming and we had just run out of mayonnaise.

I winced when I heard the bottle make the squirting sound signaling its final surrender, its inarguable emptiness.

(We spring for the squeeze-out bottles. We’re not extremely well off, but can afford some of the finer things in life on occasion. In more dire financial times, we’ve considered funneling mayo from a bulk jug into the bottle, but assumed it’d be more trouble than it was fiscally worth.)

This was prefaced by some strange guttural noises she made while giving the bottle one last valiant shake, trying her best to coax out the dregs. And followed by a sigh of resigned exasperation.

This would not do.

Sandwiches were absolutely crucial to storm prep. Soon as we’d get the first app notification warning of what fresh hell was allegedly to come, we’d spring into action. I’d go downstairs to grab the cooler (not a Yeti, because we’re not made of money and like to keep a little extra change in our pockets for things like squeezable bottles of mayonnaise) while she would commence using all the lunchmeat and fixings in our fridge to make as many sandwiches as possible, which we would then pack into the cooler and relax for a little bit while we waited for the (often lackluster) weather to come.

Sometimes we’d throw some Uncrustables in there too, just in case we wanted to mix things up for the ole’ palates.

This routine had become sacrosanct — a salve for both of us from the anticipatory anxiety we felt when posed with a potential but mostly unpredictable threat.

She needed to make the sandwiches, is what I’m saying. I needed her to make the sandwiches. It was the way things went. (Not to be archaic about the whole “Make me a sandwich” trope.) The way things were. I loved our little life and all its strange quirks.

And a sandwich isn’t a sandwich without some mayonnaise, after all.

I mean, technically it is. But it doesn’t hit the same way. Not even close.

Don’t even get me started on a sandwich with some cold cuts and mayo that you put some crushed-up sour cream…