Little Talks: Love Languages

A series of short stories about a relationship starring a fictional couple who live rent-free in Scott’s head.

“What’s your love language?” she asks.

“My what now?” I ask.

“You’ve had to have heard of that term by now.”

“I mean, I have, but I don’t know much about it.”

“It’s basically the way you express and experience love, and there are, like, buckets, I guess, or categories, that people fall into.”

“And those buckets?”

“Let me look it up.”

“How about instead we just wing it and do a rapid-fire session?”

“Love a rapid-fire session. I feel like more couples should embrace those.”

“They’re fun, right?”

“Right.”

“Okay then. You first.”

“I love when you dress up fake-rugged, like you could fix something if you had to, but then you just sit at your computer all day working with your dainty little hands.”

“You love that?”

“Stay true to the concept of the rapid-fire session, please.”

“Oops. Sorry. I love when you’re the one in charge of making the food order and you always add on some extra items for comfort, and to make sure we’ll have some leftovers for the next day. Few things are better than opening the refrigerator to find out you’ve got some surplus dim sum on-hand.”

“I love when you look at me from across a crowded room and the look conveys your desire to get the fuck out of there so we can do some fucking.”

“I love fucking with you and how you don’t take one bit of guff from goddamn anyone.”

“I love when you tickle me, even though I inherently hate being tickled and can only stand it for a few seconds before I completely lose my mind.”

“I love when you send me a ‘good morning’ text, especially when you know I have a big day and am at least somewhat stressed about it.”

“I love when you text me late at night when you know for sure I’m already sleeping but will have some random missive to wake up to.”

“I love how you make ever effort to get along with my friends and their partners, even and especially when I know they’re not the kind of person you’d generally find yourself associating with if not for me being in your life and them being important to me.”

“I love how you act exactly like yourself when you’re around my parents — that there’s absolutely no posturing.”

“I love when we have to pause every single TV show or movie we’re watching because we just can’t stop talking with each other, mostly about the most mundane shit. Or making out, sometimes. Also love making out with you. That goes on the list.”

“I love that you make the most mundane shit surprisingly compelling.”

“I love when we go out and you refuse to dance until we get home and are alone — when you do your little shoulder shimmies and put on a slow, dumb show just for me.”

“I love when you do little things like break down the boxes before putting them into the recycling.”

“I love when you’re clearly trying to try out your jokes and lines on me to see if they work before you attempt to put them out there into the world. It’s like I’m both your first and last line of defense.”

“I love when you fully fuck off from work and close the laptop for the day so you can spend a night with me.”

“I love when you rush to open the door for me even though it occasionally creates an awkward situation for us and others.”

“I love when you help me through preparation for a job interview. I always get turned on when you tell me to sell you a pen.”

“I love the way you painstakingly but ineptly, not gonna lie, attempt to fold laundry even though I know you hate it more than anything.”

“I love the way you always properly load the dishwasher even though I know you hate it more than anything.”

“I love when you get something new in the mail, try it on and immediately send me pictures in hopes you’ll get my stamp of approval, even though I think at this point you know full-well that I would not tell you I didn’t really like a certain item if you looked happy having purchased it and then while wearing it.”

“I love when you get so excited about something you’re interested in that you can’t contain yourself until you share it with me and explain why it’s got you all riled up.”

“I love when you are clearly upset about something but do your best to not complain because you hate the thought of even the vaguest type of confrontation.”

“I love when you call me when you’re en route to the dispensary to see if I want or need anything.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”