I Am This Many Years Old

I am “blowing rails of Lipitor after a burger” years old.

Photo by Stephanie McCabe on Unsplash

I am “was going to buy an iPad but had to pay $1,200 for foot orthotics instead” years old.

I am “hungover for three days after simply looking at three White Claws” years old.

I am “not losing weight, just purchasing bigger shirts” years old.